I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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