She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize