It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I supernannyed him into submission
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
