this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
