Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
