then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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