tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
