Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
