Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
