eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
