Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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