did you get engaged???
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
