Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
