Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
