Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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