That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
