marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
