I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
