sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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