His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
