i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
