I feel great
I just peed on a car
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
