You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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