Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
