Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
