every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
