Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
