her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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