I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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