im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
