He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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