The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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