Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
