happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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