So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
