Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
