im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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