I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
