The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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