Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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