Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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