What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
