Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
