the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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