On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
