He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
