I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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