Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
