the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
