Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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