Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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