At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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