No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
