haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
