i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
