He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
