Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
