Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
