I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize