u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
