i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
