If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
