A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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