i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
