So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
