U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's never too late to be topless.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
