holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
