I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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