So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
