I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize