if i can run in heels then i can drive
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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