My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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