Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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