Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
