I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
