My first STD was from a foam party
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
