Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
