I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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