Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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